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After a particularly craptastic week (and I apologize, I searched the thesaurus but no other word fit just right) I had given up on salvaging the week. The week had involved deferred dreams, cancelled trips, extended family interactions, my own children’s bad behavior at school, and my own health “concerns”. The dream was to get through the weekend without exploding or imploding; the dream involved exhaling and inhaling repeatedly while awake and asleep; the dream involved bad movies and hot chocolate. The rain was winning.
And then the clouds lifted. Seriously, the clouds actually lifted across the state and the large orangish orb appeared. Then, a viral epidemic spread through the area (which did not involved antibiotics or any kind of swine); a celebrity appearance at the local skatepark, completely unplanned, completely free of expectation and completely free. The good time trifecta. I won’t bore you with the details; it was awesome, the kids got pictures, autographs and free pizza and they loved skating at the skatepark (they don’t get to go often: Mrs. Fine is old and tired). And there was a Wendy’s frosty waiting after the park fun. At home, we rushed to the computers to download the treasures of the day, the photos and videos of all the fun we’d just had. When Mr. Fine came home, the kids and I hopped up and down, trying to get a chance to tell our story first!! Since Mr. Fine had been hunting all day, (and not required to go hang at the skatepark) he was in a good mood to hear the stories. Days like these are the days I draw on to sustain me through the hard times. I call them “perfect days”. Read the rest of this entry »
(This was written 4 weeks ago) Traditionally, a person can look back at their life and pinpoint significant events that changed the course of their life; sometimes the events seem insignificant in the moment, it’s only with the reflection that one realizes the impact. Maybe it was the day you met a special someone who didn’t necessarily seem so special at the time (it’s not always love at first sight); or the first day on a new job as an entry-level employee who doesn’t realize someday they will own the company.
However, this week, I experienced complete clarity within the moments. To call it reaching a crossroad would not only be a cliche, the term would be completely inaccurate. Two roads did not diverge in a yellow wood and I did not choose a path more or less traveled.
Cut to this week—
So now I don’t remember what the perfect clarity was. But I’m sure it was profound, if not necessarily life changing. It’s what Schlossberg would refer to as a “non-event.” It refers to the build up and anticipation of something, and that left over feeling when nothing actually happens.
Clarity did shine through to Mr. Fine’s admittance into college; that has been amazing, and possibly life changing. Education reveals itself in small ways; it’s not like Eliza Doolittle, walking into Professor Higgins office as a street urchin, and walking out a lady. No, the transformation lightly shines in tiny moments around the house, when I realize he’s added a few new words to his vocabulary, and dropping a few old words, mainly of the four-letter variety.
If I recall correctly, the non-event involved my mother and a doctor’s appointment with a neurologist. We pushed for years, wondering, pushing, pulling, (family meetings) and finding the task to be more torture than expected to get one little old lady to see a doctor. The appointment would change everything-we would have answers to the questions of next steps, driving, planning, power of attorney.
Reality was, it simply led to another doctor’s appointment. This time there was one answer: no driving. Tiny problem with the large number of siblings, who all have varying degrees of agreement with this directive from Dr. X. So 5 days later and still no real plan on how to implement compliance, so more non-events. No more clarity, and thanks to the poor weather in the fly-over states, things seem cloudier and dismal. Perhaps the sun will save us. Or at least save my mood.
Have to find a way to celebrate Joy.
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